Cutting to Brian Bloodbath ....local TV

Hi friends, (emailed) — Just a quick note, should the power fail. So far, so good. Tropical storm Fay decided to hit the west coast of Florida after swinging through Islamorada in the Keys. Her track avoided Miami and, except for some nasty thunderstorms and wind gusts (up to 60 mph), we were spared the harsher effects of the storm. Hopefully will dump tons of water in Lake Okeechobee, our main water supply.

South Floridians adjusted to the anticipated arrival of Fay in our usual fashion. We bought bottled water, cleaned and loaded our automatic weapons, put up signs stating “we shoot looters,” while our local merchants jacked the prices up on ice, flashlight batteries, suntan lotion, canned goods and other vital commodities. True storm veterans in our population made certain that the liquor cabinet was fully stocked. In true tradition form, land developers left the area. Leaving is always very easy for land developers as they are always packed and ready to vacate in a moment’s notice as that is the nature of their business. After all, what builder has EVER lived in a development that THEY have developed?

The majority of us avoided watching the hyped up news broadcasts from TV stations that were desperately trying to boost ratings. A typical “news excerpt,” was something like, “Now from the WTVJ Storm Center, let’s cut to Brian Bloodbath who will show us video of a downed tree in Kendall. Later we have an interview with a home owner who actually got wet during the latest rain storm.” Dullsville, which was fine by us. We actually lived through Hurricane Andrew, so dull was very good!

Our personal preparations for the “arrival” of Fay consisted of picking up a single case of water bottles, purchasing our normal weekly grocery supply, and getting two additional 6 gallon cans of gasoline for our generator. The latter is a sound precaution during any time of the year as the power monopoly, better known as Florida Power and Light, may decide to cut electrical service in the event that they want to divert electrical services to more critical services such as the Doral Country Club, Dolphin Shopping Mall, or Sea World. Sometimes, just to keep us on our toes, the morons –er trained electrical power professionals, at FPL arbitrarily cut power to a street or neighborhood. They refer to this practice as “rolling brown-out.” We call it a “cluster –f**k.” These events are particularly entertaining when they occur at night. There is a theory that the geniuses at FPL wait until the majority of South Floridians are in the shower, or otherwise using the toilet facilities, which is partly why internal memos within FPL management refer to these events as “brown-outs.”

More later ....